You may hear this phrase from time to time, people sometimes throw it your way when you seek their advice, trying to help of course, but not really knowing what to say…or sometimes you might say it first in an attempt to change your victim mindset and avoid potential judgement. But even though it provides some comfort by providing perspective, it somehow feels wrong to feel better by comparison, benefiting from someone else’s misfortune. Also, what if it does get worse? And what can the person do if they are at the very bottom of this, what if they are at the worst? This phrase doesn’t really work for me.
Recently watching some highlights of European tennis tournaments, I realised that it jarred with me when match points are won on an opponent’s double fault or due to another error. Wouldn’t it feel better, be better, if it was won due to self? I’m clearly not in the position to understand the full intensity of a win at that level, the years of gruelling training, but still…
Perhaps it’s just the way we look at things. Turning a ‘not ideal’ / ‘not what I hoped’ into a positive, an opportunity, a reality. I mean we can’t change the past so why dwell on whether the outcome is perfect…what is perfect anyway? We can’t change what has happened, all we have is now. Hmmm, haven’t I said that before, in another post? To myself, to friends, to my children…? Oh goodness, I keep coming back to that. It must be true. And it’s not new news. It’s everywhere. It’s truth. We all know this. It’s good to have a refresher though. And today whilst jogging I listened to Osher Gunsber’s podcast where he was interviewing Damien Echols (Memphis Three), and Damien articulated living in the now so well. And jeez, he would know.
My photo captured the stunning subtleties of a sunset sky, effortlessly blending pinks and purples and blues. This moment will never be the same again. A new day provides the new axis/angles for the earth’s rotation, on the earth itself the weather may be different, I may be standing in a different place when I take the photo…so many variables. So all that picture is is a moment.
This is it. Yes, right now, this is it. All we truly have is right now. This moment. No, we don’t even have the moment from 10 minutes ago. That is a memory, it is part of who we are but it is not exisiting now. And memories fade or get distorted, tricking us into believing something is really amazing or that something happened when actually it didn’t. For years I thought my godmother’s mother was the singing coach to Julie Andrews aka Mary Poppins, my claim to fame – I told a lot of people…but, it’s not true!!! Not true in the slightest. I’d obviously misunderstood something, turned it into a story and the retelling of this placed Mary in my memory.
So if memories fail us, what about the future? Well, not even the future is reliable. That holiday we have booked and paid for may not even happen…who knows what is around the corner?
So all we truly have is now. And that is fine. It might not always seem exciting when we are washing dishes or commuting in a squishy train carriage next to people coughing or with body odour…but at least we have a now. And if we fully focus then we will see so much in the now. This is where mindfulness comes in to play I guess. Note to self, I must do more of that, although I think I’m doing ok at it without fully labelling myself as doing so.
So let’s just be. Here. Now. Let’s stop the comparison, stop the dwelling on the pst, stop the reliance on the future. Let’s be. Easier said than done, but we can try. Now.
Love Stripes & Trees xxx
Stripes & Trees 