Last week my family had our annual winter getaway in country NSW. This morning I realised that we have been home longer than we were away. That’s always a realisation that makes me feel a little sad. Home is where I want to be, but the sense of breath when we are away from everyday life is just as comforting.
I snapped this photo whilst my son was constructing a new lego set. It was challenging for him. As the sun started to set and cast stripy sun patterns on the sofa, he looked up and paused, took a breath. Ahhh. The weight of his mind seemed to evaporate.
Our time away was idyllic. The days were long. Crisp mornings, green fields, outdoor swings, vineyards, afternoon naps, marshmallows toasted on a fire pit. Of course there were moments of frustration (sibling squabbles, no tomato sauce 😉 ) but there were more moments of loveliness, and these moments felt longer, stronger and deeper due to being away.
Why was that? The clocks still ticked at the same pace. I think it is because of the break from the mental load.
⁃ Knowing what is for dinner instead of being faced with multiple options
– Choosing from two tops instead of a whole wardrobe
⁃ Following the suggested path to the destination instead of taking a short cut / trying to get there faster / squeezing in a pit stop along the way
Of course there was also a break from some chores (mostly laundry, so much laundry…) but we still got groceries, still swept the floor, still washed and dried up. So if we were still doing chores why did we still have the sense of more time?
Having less decisions allows the brain to breathe.
The mental load is often described as being about the thoughts and to do lists and planning and organising….of all things related to family life, including laundry i.e. ‘if I put on the school clothes first they can hang outside in the sun before it rains, and be dry by tomorrow morning, then I’ll do the sheets and tumble dry them whilst we’re at the supermarket ready for fitting back on beds whilst dinner is cooking,’ – that kind of thing. A load of washing is only a very very small part of the mental load though however.
The thought is more tiring than the doing – fact.
Women are typically described as carrying more of the mental load, and I do believe by nature that is mostly true, but depending on circumstance the balance of load in a household might shift, and it’s all relative anyway, as always. This trip reminded me that men also carry mental load, and children to a certain extent, all of us do. Expectations, routines, unknowns, fears. It’s all in there, in our heads, big and small.
My kids were brave enough to distance themselves from us, their parental protection, and they ran off and explored the grounds and hung on the tree swing out of sight (that was brave for me too!)
It was so nice to see the whole family free of mental load. We were just doing our thing, as individuals and together.
This awareness tells me that we should try and stop carrying so much. Decisions can be overwhelming but they are very important, they keep us from danger and let us choose wonder. The true magic is in how we use our decisions. Quality over quantity, every time.
Choosing a life of better but fewer decisions could make that life feel longer. I know I want long days.
Love Stripes & Trees xxx
Stripes & Trees 