With so much global uncertainty at the moment, following on from months of uncertainty here in Australia with respect to drought and bushfires (which are still actually global issues – hello climate crisis), we all have to find our own ways of coping. Not knowing what is going to happen day by day, let alone next week, next month…next year…!!! The not knowing is the hardest part.

I’ve been trying for years to be more in the moment. I am certainly more mindful, my focus on the smallest of details is truly mastered. But those moments of succumbing to the mesmerising pattern of the veins on leaves, or ripples in puddles, are all too often broken by a child’s demands, or the clock ticking towards the next appointment, or simply my overthinking brain moving to the next moment. Most of our days are planned, even if loosely, there is usually a plan. And when moments don’t go plan the feelings of frustration and lack of control come rushing out. Right now we are out of control. All of us. It is scary.

However, this last week I’ve been observing and noticed that my 5yr old son is far less affected by the current situation. He is aware of the virus, but is not listening to the news, hitting refresh, or panic buying, or thinking about money and the future. He is playing with his cars on the carpet whilst humming Star Wars tunes. He is in the moment. Truly in the moment.

Sometimes I wish I was my son.

He recently got a library book about mangroves, and excitedly described it to me as a book about mangoes 😊. I giggled and then we read it and talked together about trees and tides and destruction and rebuilding (it was a great book!) The very next day I went for my usual river walk and literally stopped and stared at the mangroves. Really appreciating and understanding them after reading the book.

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This photo is of the mangroves that sit along the sides of the Cooks River. I find them strong and strange and sometimes very smelly! They are big and round and lush, and then only at low tide can you see the magic that lies beneath the surface of the water – the shoots and leaves that live half their day underwater. These trees produce pods that can drop off and float downstream to find a new home to grow. They fascinate me. I don’t think I’d seen them before I moved to Australia. Imagine if they grew mangoes too – even more amazing!

These mangroves see a lot. They experience a lot. And they just get on with it – high tide low tide, they just do their thing. Resilient.

Nature wins again.

Nature is my way of coping.

Love Stripes & Trees xxx

As I took this photo, following a meditation walk and a gentle stretch before I set off on the return leg, I heard someone yelling at me out of a car speeding past ‘stop taking photos and start running!’ There was aggression in the voice. Normally I would’ve been incredibly bothered by this behaviour, but today, as I was trying my best to combat the overwhelm in my life, I chose not to let it in. I did let myself think about it a bit more than I would’ve liked, I ended up thinking about the person who shouted and feeling a bit sorry for them – what is going on into heir life to feel the need to holler out at a stranger? I am none of your business!!!

And then on further reflection, at the end of the return walk in peace, I came to the conclusion that the meditation helped. I had been learning about ‘noting’. And I feel that I noted this annoyance and swiftly got back to myself. Yay! Progress!

Just trying my best.

Love Stripes and Trees xxx

A year and three days after creating Stripes and Trees, I am thinking about what I was hoping for in the beginning, what happened, and what have I learnt. And as I self-assess my thoughts and behaviour over the year, you know what I’ve noticed, the big stuff is really the same – it really is the same old shit (for want of a better phrase), but it’s actually the good shit – the same routines, the same conversations, the same colours and sounds and smells, the same traditions – it just keeps on rolling. Which is really good, we are fortunate for safety and freedom and opportunities, and of course for family and friends and health. So the small stuff that happens is actually the stuff that has a biggest impact. Or how we respond to them that is. And you know what I’m going to say about that…well, don’t sweat the small stuff. Really. Really really. Don’t. (“Hallelujah” I hear my mum and my hubby singing, “She’s finally got it!”)

These photos ‘almost’ perfectly capture Stripes and Trees to date (more on the ‘almost’ very shortly). Let me explain now, as I waffle on too long with more words than are actually necessary 😉 …

Firstly, the stripes, these actual stripes, are the stripes responsible for the start of my blog. As I went for a Boxing Day run in 2018, I spied these bold chevron beauties as I came over the top of a hill. They caught my eye, as indeed they were supposed to. Close to the start of my jog I didn’t stop and photograph them, I was only just gaining good pace, but for this whole past year I knew where they were and planned on recapturing them.

This year I repeated my Boxing Day run, and what surprised me as I got closer and closer to these stripes was their imperfection. They weren’t neat and straight, in fact they were messy and blurry. They hadn’t looked like that in my head, and I was to be honest a little disappointed. But then I saw how they were unique, how they had been touched by a human hand, and how they reflected a key theme that I often waffle about in this blog, which is: there is no such thing as perfect, we can only try our best.

It did bother the ruler-loving side of me that these stripes were not following the simple guidelines for stripes of straight lines. Quite easily they could be better (seriously, council maintenance should have rulers and being a road safety device they need to be a certain standard), but on the flip side it was refreshing that they were behaving lazily, almost rebelliously, unconstrained. It was nice to see and I smirked as I jogged in.

Before I started this blog I had big reservations, feeling like I was inadequate to do this, I mean, why should I be sharing my thoughts, who even am I, what will I say???? I didn’t actually intend for people to read it, it was primarily self-guided therapy for my overthinking brain, but being public it forced me to be accountable and I figured that if people stumbled upon it then great, it might be interesting in some way. However being a deep reflection of me there was an obvious vulnerability on the table, and for self preservation I wanted this blog to be right. Therefore I was striving for perfection at the outset. As I always do with anything (I think that’s my biggest downfall). But this blog is far from perfection. As are the stripes. As am I. I have made mistakes, many mistakes, and I will continue to do so. Spelling, grammar, formatting, logic, even the topics of waffle…so many mistakes. I did consider deleting some posts that I was less than happy with, but you know what, they are staying, I’m me, I’m not going to edit it to pretend to be better/different than I am. I am just me. I try my best. And that is great. These stripes are trying too. That’s totes fine.

So after snapping the stripes I continued on my usual track and ended up in the park with stunning trees that I have failed miserably to capture on camera each time I’ve seen them – whether at dawn or dusk with golden red dappled light, the photos just never look good. This time however, on my second lap I saw three trees lined up, I’d not noticed them before. All so different to each other and so different to the schema of a tree 🌳. Not a brown trunk, not green leaves. These are all gum trees (I think). Hues of whites, pinks, apricots, greys – just lovely and soft. And to me these tree friends in their different gear represent how we are all individuals, another key theme of Stripes and Trees. These guys standing so close together, sharing the soil, and respecting each other. Lovely.

So that’s a wrap. This is what it is. It’s honest, authentic, real. It’s not trying to be anything, it is just exisiting. Stripes and Trees certainly helps me be in the moment and have awareness of my surroundings and myself. Just now I did a mini-jog to try out my dodgy foot (plantar fasciitis) and it was so slow but so amazing – I could hear the grass crunching underfoot, I could feel the spongy parts where the grass was thicker, I could hear my breath, I could feel the sweat dripping off my face…it’s so good to sweat! I was really in the moment, not at all focused on pace and time. This is a shift in me, have certainly become more accepting and adaptable of change and purpose this year. It’s exciting!

So I will continue doing my thing here in an imperfect way. Thank you for reading – family, friends, colleagues, strangers. Your comments in WordPress or via other channels really mean the world to me. So glad you sometimes get something from this.

Love Stripes and Trees xxx