A year and three days after creating Stripes and Trees, I am thinking about what I was hoping for in the beginning, what happened, and what have I learnt. And as I self-assess my thoughts and behaviour over the year, you know what I’ve noticed, the big stuff is really the same – it really is the same old shit (for want of a better phrase), but it’s actually the good shit – the same routines, the same conversations, the same colours and sounds and smells, the same traditions – it just keeps on rolling. Which is really good, we are fortunate for safety and freedom and opportunities, and of course for family and friends and health. So the small stuff that happens is actually the stuff that has a biggest impact. Or how we respond to them that is. And you know what I’m going to say about that…well, don’t sweat the small stuff. Really. Really really. Don’t. (“Hallelujah” I hear my mum and my hubby singing, “She’s finally got it!”)

These photos ‘almost’ perfectly capture Stripes and Trees to date (more on the ‘almost’ very shortly). Let me explain now, as I waffle on too long with more words than are actually necessary 😉 …

Firstly, the stripes, these actual stripes, are the stripes responsible for the start of my blog. As I went for a Boxing Day run in 2018, I spied these bold chevron beauties as I came over the top of a hill. They caught my eye, as indeed they were supposed to. Close to the start of my jog I didn’t stop and photograph them, I was only just gaining good pace, but for this whole past year I knew where they were and planned on recapturing them.

This year I repeated my Boxing Day run, and what surprised me as I got closer and closer to these stripes was their imperfection. They weren’t neat and straight, in fact they were messy and blurry. They hadn’t looked like that in my head, and I was to be honest a little disappointed. But then I saw how they were unique, how they had been touched by a human hand, and how they reflected a key theme that I often waffle about in this blog, which is: there is no such thing as perfect, we can only try our best.

It did bother the ruler-loving side of me that these stripes were not following the simple guidelines for stripes of straight lines. Quite easily they could be better (seriously, council maintenance should have rulers and being a road safety device they need to be a certain standard), but on the flip side it was refreshing that they were behaving lazily, almost rebelliously, unconstrained. It was nice to see and I smirked as I jogged in.

Before I started this blog I had big reservations, feeling like I was inadequate to do this, I mean, why should I be sharing my thoughts, who even am I, what will I say???? I didn’t actually intend for people to read it, it was primarily self-guided therapy for my overthinking brain, but being public it forced me to be accountable and I figured that if people stumbled upon it then great, it might be interesting in some way. However being a deep reflection of me there was an obvious vulnerability on the table, and for self preservation I wanted this blog to be right. Therefore I was striving for perfection at the outset. As I always do with anything (I think that’s my biggest downfall). But this blog is far from perfection. As are the stripes. As am I. I have made mistakes, many mistakes, and I will continue to do so. Spelling, grammar, formatting, logic, even the topics of waffle…so many mistakes. I did consider deleting some posts that I was less than happy with, but you know what, they are staying, I’m me, I’m not going to edit it to pretend to be better/different than I am. I am just me. I try my best. And that is great. These stripes are trying too. That’s totes fine.

So after snapping the stripes I continued on my usual track and ended up in the park with stunning trees that I have failed miserably to capture on camera each time I’ve seen them – whether at dawn or dusk with golden red dappled light, the photos just never look good. This time however, on my second lap I saw three trees lined up, I’d not noticed them before. All so different to each other and so different to the schema of a tree 🌳. Not a brown trunk, not green leaves. These are all gum trees (I think). Hues of whites, pinks, apricots, greys – just lovely and soft. And to me these tree friends in their different gear represent how we are all individuals, another key theme of Stripes and Trees. These guys standing so close together, sharing the soil, and respecting each other. Lovely.

So that’s a wrap. This is what it is. It’s honest, authentic, real. It’s not trying to be anything, it is just exisiting. Stripes and Trees certainly helps me be in the moment and have awareness of my surroundings and myself. Just now I did a mini-jog to try out my dodgy foot (plantar fasciitis) and it was so slow but so amazing – I could hear the grass crunching underfoot, I could feel the spongy parts where the grass was thicker, I could hear my breath, I could feel the sweat dripping off my face…it’s so good to sweat! I was really in the moment, not at all focused on pace and time. This is a shift in me, have certainly become more accepting and adaptable of change and purpose this year. It’s exciting!

So I will continue doing my thing here in an imperfect way. Thank you for reading – family, friends, colleagues, strangers. Your comments in WordPress or via other channels really mean the world to me. So glad you sometimes get something from this.

Love Stripes and Trees xxx

This week, as Australian high school leavers anxiously awaited their ATAR scores, I was thinking about the time when I told my older sister that she needed to study chemistry some more because she might need it when she’s older. This was after she got a bad grade. I was about 9yrs old I think, a goody-two-shoes, a know-it-all, a rather annoying little sister. No excuses, but I think I was led/brainwashed by the teachers and their focus on improving whatever was weak.

• “Run faster, jump higher, answer quicker, talk louder, write neater etc etc”.

Successes were celebrated, but often only if everything else was pretty good too.

My sister is a talented artist. She flunked maths, a few times I believe, and she certainly flunked chemistry. She didn’t need it. Is anyone surprised? She certainly wasn’t.

On the flip side, I got an A in chemistry. In fact I got an A in everything. I was labelled the ‘academic’ daughter following on from two artistic ones. But when everything is even, where does the strength lie? It’s not easy to know. I still don’t truly know, but I sense it is unmeasurable in the school system. I guess this is when the heart comes in, the passion.

This is a photo of a pattern my son made out of glow sticks. It’s a bit stripy. Not my kind of ‘straight stripy’, but it’s his stripy. It’s his way.

And here is the Christmas tree, our first family one. I let the kids decorate it any which way they wanted. There is even a piece of paper with an xmas drawing on. Decorated their way.

When deciding my university degree I told the lecturers at college that I wanted to study Psychology – they looked at my combination of A-levels (Biology, Maths and Psychology) and they scoffed. “What a strange combination, that won’t get you in!” I heard a few times, from the very people who were supposed to guide and encourage me. However, a wise friend who was a few years older and already studying Psycholgy at uni, said it was the nation. To be honest I had no other ideas. My dad and sisters were arty (I couldn’t compete), my mum a nurse (and my grandma…I think I wanted to break the mould)…but I had no obvious strength. I just had passion for people, I loved finding out about people. And so that’s what I did. I followed my passion.

During this week I advised my daughter to focus on her strengths and passions, to put her energy into what she is good at and what she enjoys. Don’t stress about the other stuff, the ‘chemistry’ of her world. Be you, do it well. And it was strange, a day later at work, I had a similar conversation with my lovely boss. In fact she brought it up, and I just sat there, smiled and nodded. It was music to my ears.

So, let’s do this, let’s work to our strengths. One person can’t be everything, but together we can be and the world will be balanced.

Love Stripes and Trees xxx

Spring has sprung in Sydney. It’s perfect. The gentle warmth of the soft spring sun, a fresh light whispering breeze, the sky a beautiful baby blue – collectively promising a balanced and fresh new start, opportunities to be taken.

Our very own Jacaranda in our backyard – lucky!

The idea of a long jog yesterday filled me with excitement! The conditions were spot on. My body was strong again after a winter cough and two strength sessions in the gym during the week. Ready to go! My head however still had something to worry about – whether or not to wear shorts. Say what?!?

Seems sensible – temps are creeping, running makes you hot, shorts would be ideal – but no, my overthinking brain does somersaults with a double-tuck-twisted-flip-360-style trick.

I know that this is not a rational decision about comfort in the heat, it’s a totally irrational moment, but it exists and hopefully writing it out will get it out!!! Go nonsense thoughts. Be gone.

Being from the north of England, my usual default clothing is length and layers. I really wasn’t sure if I was ready for shorts today and I could feel the ping pong of thoughts getting faster – negative / defend / negative / defend…blah blah blah.

I’m ashamed to even say all of this out loud / on screen. It sounds so superficial. It’s against everything that I think I am, that I want to be. But seriously the questions in my head were:

-What will people think?

-What will they think of ME?

-My legs are so pale, my legs are so wobbly, my legs are lumpy and bumpy…what will people think of that?

-Will they think I shouldn’t wear shorts with legs like those?

-Will they think I should do more exercise, use fake tan?

-Will they think I’m older than I am?

Effectively I’m wondering if they will be confirming my inner thoughts – ‘oh my goodness, look at her with her white, wobbly, lumpy bumpy legs’.

As if!!! As if they would. I know this. I do know this. No one cares. But even if they did I would ignore them and think they were being mean. Who cares what people think? I don’t. I really don’t. But it seems that I do. There goes another 360-backward-pike. Grrrr.

I know that when I see people I mostly notice their individuality and also I truly admire their confidence. I’m not sure what’s at the very root of this insecurity though. The only reason I can think of is because various people at school/work/relationships have told me ‘you should have more confidence in yourself’ – I heard it when I was 12 years old and when I was 42 years old. Why do I keep hearing this? Is it a sign? Maybe I should just ignore them? But then maybe they are right…maybe I would be a-mazing if I took their advice…maybe, if, perhaps, when…arghhh!!! It’s annoying though, perhaps I’m actually ok in myself. Can’t I just be me?

Well, you know what I did yesterday? After several outfit changes I put my shorts on and I ran. The only way to change my legs is to get them moving and catch some sun rays (safely, with sunscreen). And on that jog I rarely thought about my legs. Or other people. Or their thoughts. I thought about Jacarandas and how they just do their thing. Every year, out it pops…the most luscious shade of purple. 💜. It takes over any vista. Bold. Do the Jacaranda’s care what all the other green leafed trees think? No. They just get on with it, unapologetically, they are just themselves. Individuals. Beautiful.

I need to channel the Jacs.

Love Stripes and Trees xxx