Twenty years ago, in my first job in London, I heard something in a training session that I have shared with many people over the years.

• fear and excitement have the same physiological sensation, it’s how our mind interprets it that decides which one it is

The power of the mind, huh!

There will obviously be some situations that we cannot, and should not override, such as when we might be in danger. Fight or flight. A basic human reaction. Innate. Yet again, I talk about something that is really not new, it’s just that I’m having a moment and remembering it, or having a realisation about it, and my waffly brain needs to chew it up and spit it out. And pretty it up with photos of stripes and trees 😀.

All these stripes containing something…you can’t stop me!

Last week when I started my new job, I was mostly excited. Of course there was a droplet of doubt, but overall I was ready. Really ready. Even though I knew what was to come.

I am quite sensitive (ok, really freaking sensitive!) to things around me. The subtleties of sound, texture, lighting really have an impact on me, my tolerance is low and I can get really annoyed. I know that a new job equals stimulation overload such as:

• new colours, more colours, new tones
• new chairs (and now not my own chair – hello hot desking!)
• new sounds (new voices, more chitter chatter, more positivity, different lift sounds, new ringtone…
• new systems, new password, new keyboard size, new everyday conventions…
• new everything!

I’m used to myself now, so I have ways to minimise these stresses, although they are quite consuming for a while. To add flavour to the concoction of adjustment, I’m also highly introverted. Introversion is not shyness however, the often the two go hand in hand, but not always, and anyway, I’m certainly not shy, not backward in coming forward sometimes! I love speaking to people, I love asking questions, finding common ground, having a banter, finding out who people really are. People genuinely fascinate me. Being introverted just means I have a limited amount of energy for people each day. Once my energy is gone, I pretty much shut down, literally just stop talking and have to go and be by myself to recharge.

So…..starting a new job, frazzles me very quickly. Within a few hours of introductions, which I throw myself whole-heartedly into, I’m pretty much done for the day. Why do I do this to myself? I know myself all too well. Well, I think it’s because I have to. I have to follow my purpose and passion and seek environments and people where I can happily be me. The energy revives overnight. Everyday really is a new day. Sounds super dramatic, and I wasn’t even going to write about it, but it is a real thing.

So on day one I walked into the office. I had a good day as expected. I was living in the moment. I had no preconceptions to shape my responses. It was great. But overnight, the rest of me caught up. All of what I knew. I think I was subconsciously trying to make sense of my new world using my old world imprints. The imprints that I had purposely removed myself from. Arghhhh, go away. Stop thinking!!!!

Day two on the train to work was time for action. I needed another pros and cons list, just like I had written when deciding to change jobs. The same reasons I had written 6 weeks ago were in the same columns, nothing new there. Hmm. I kept at it, thought about how I was feeling and then the magic happened. The same word appeared in two columns. The same word was a con and a pro. Huh? The word was ‘unknown’. A downside of the new job was that it was unknown and a pro was that it was unknown. Or let’s rephrase that as scary, and exciting. I’ll take the latter please. That’s what I’m chasing. That’s what I decide!

A sign – a paver outside my new office

Even though certainty can offer some comfort, it can also lead to becoming stagnant and resentful and demotivated. I knew for sure that I did not like the knowns from my previous role so I had to go to uncharted territory, no choice. I’m so proud of my mind!!!

So, day two minute number one in the office was great! And this is how it’s going to be. This is going to be me. My mind chooses. Mental health.

Love Stripes and Trees xxx

My happy place – my tree master and my balance beam

I forgot myself

I realise now that I was out of step. I lost myself. To others. For others.

I was too bothered. I became consumed. I forgot myself.

Being heard, But not listened to. Can’t shout any louder.

Neat plans tangled, Into a confused pen scribble. Time to get out of the maze!

I trod out and climbed onto a seesaw. The inevitable wobbles helped me. And I made it across.

As I look back, I see the path. But I will keep on walking.

Now silently contented. Now rebalanced. Now me again.

Ready. Let’s go. Me.

Love Stripes and Trees xxx

When I resigned from my job last month, a fair few people said to me, ‘are you having any time off work?’ or ‘lucky you, enjoy your time off’. It got me thinking about language, especially the concept of ‘time off’ and ‘time on’. It’s the whole idea of work being work, a chore, rather be doing something else. I agree in part, but I’m only halfway through my career, and I’m enjoying it. I want more. I want more time on.

Leaving my old job – literally walking out the door

But, yes, a break is a good idea, and usually long overdue for any working person, whatever the role, because the demands these days are pretty constant – even when you are physically off you are rarely mentally off. But the process of resigning can be an especially tiring exercise – there are lots more chats (which is great but exhausting for an introvert), there is real pressure to complete tasks, churning out handover notes which are probably never to be seen again…and the emotional rollercoaster of sadness and excitement. I always think it’s nice to have a specific marker, a line in the sand, so a break is definitely happening here.

This break involves cleaning the fish tank, getting the air con in the car fixed, getting pictures framed, buying a door bell, superglue, getting annoyed with the myGov app and Service NSW and many more chores. However, the chance to do these uninterrupted and fully focussed, fully on, is pure luxury. I’m achieving!

I actually like being on. And one of the reasons for switching jobs was to enjoy my time on. I want a role where I can be me, where I can learn, where I can challenge and be challenged, and just do some good stuff. I’m fortunate to be healthy and happy, and have safety and freedom. I’m physically active, using my body so much every day (picking up toys, crumbs, my phone (oops – not again!)) and my mental activity is overloaded with schedules and shopping lists, so the thing missing for me is self development. Top of the pyramid stuff!

I want to be happy to get up and out of bed and bounce off to work. Of course, an extra 10 mins sleep or some time reading in the sun would sometimes be a good swap, but I want to be out there doing something good whilst I have the opportunity and the energy! So for the time spent earning my crust, I’d like to be enjoying it. On.

So here we go, a new chapter. Coming soon.

These trees are starting a new chapter too

We just spent a few days in Tuncurry, or Tunckers as my son would say. The booking was timely – school hols and as it turned out, the break between jobs. Couldn’t have been better planned if we tried. Serendipity.

The holiday park is a truly magical place where time feels different. A mix of retro and modern sights plonked in the middle of serene nature. The kite swing and horses are favourites, and have probably seated a few generations over the last 40yrs.

Time did seem to go slower. Tuncurry time is the cheaper Fiji time. We came back with a scratched ankle, a sore foot, and some memories that will last for a long time.

When we got home, hubby and I got a pang of sadness about wanting to spend even more time with the kids. So we brainstormed over wine and nibbles on a Tuesday (usually happens on a Saturday – still on holidays!!!) Instead of opting for the classic 9 day fortnight option, we realised that as hard as it is to get out of the house in the mornings, this torture must continue (we’ll have to brainstorm that one another day…mornings, grrr!) We realised that the afternoon is where the golden hours are. Where the golden light often is – magical! I doubt we’d have come up with this had we not had a break. It’s good to let your brain breathe.

We made more time. There is usually always a solution. Just think differently. Look at it from a different angle. Be aware. Be on.

Love Stripes and Trees xxx