Don’t you just love it when you can really feel your mood (good or bad) and your physical body responds to counteract it? Oh the power of the subconscious mind!

Look at that golden beauty, twice – yesterday’s run (not so good but the scenery was ✨)

I just did a fast 5k Sunday run, and when looking back at my stats the fastest part of the run was at the base of the hill, slightly surprising considering there are some smooth flats, but it occurred exactly when I needed a rocket boost. A sub 5k per minute pace too, yessss! I took on the challenge good and proper and got myself to the top, every time. (Well, except the last lap, because quite frankly I had overcome the challenge four times and I was tired!)

I needed that today. I really did. My mood has been off of late. I’ve been at the bottom of the hill. Trying to climb it, getting halfway and then either being pushed down or sliding down exhausted. It’s just life stuff. Nothing terribly bad, nothing really that bad at all (when reflecting in a quiet moment), but nonetheless, day to day it is relentless and tiring and I’m not really being the person who I want to be. There are some challenging work issues, some challenging kids (well, kids just being kids I guess), tugs on the heart strings as I miss my family far away, mid-winter darkness, low iron levels, and hormones. You see, nothing bad. What’s my problem?!?

I think it’s my brain. I’m an over-thinker. Thoughts always whizzing around – this way, that way, on top of others, going back to pick up something forgotten, changing direction – it’s like an ants nest in there sometimes!

When I run I’m still thinking, thinking too much, but it is at least more focused. After my power boosts up the hill I feel amazing. I feel empowered. And I have some clarity. Those other life things have not changed, but I have changed – in just 25mins. I am the only one who can change. I’m in control after all. I am stripes!

You know, I think why I like stripes so much is because the life we live is not stripes. It’s random, it’s twisty, it sometimes cracks or is a tangled mess. Stripes offer a reprieve – order, neat, contained, ease – you know what you get…and it keeps on going! Somewhat like ants above ground, following the track, orderly, strong. This is what I want to be. Not an ant 🐜, but more in control. It’s down to me. Only down to me. And I can do it, but not always at a sub-5 pace and hopefully not always uphill.

Love Stripes & Trees

Today’s moody palm

Running on Sunday was part of my weekly routine, and just as my body craved the movement it also felt reluctant, heavy and slow – and this was even before I had set off! Maybe it was due to the equivalent of 5 aqua aerobic sessions whilst playing with the kids at the pool in the morning – that whirlpool is deceiving (gently floating on the surface but lots of moving legs underneath!)…and it sucks you right back in again as you try and break free! Anyway, more on the pool shenanigans later. I just wasn’t 100% feeling up to my usual Sunday session.

So what I did was run a different way. No, not backwards or with comedy legs, I mean I ran a different way round my track. Instead of fearing the not-up-to-standard pace (set by my own competition master in my own head), I gave my brain a break, and went the other way round. Non-comparable.

And you know what happened? I parked the car in a different street, I started my playlist on a different track, I ran up not down and down not up in certain parts, and I saw different things. I felt different things. I am different for it. Plus despite relieving my brain from coaching duties, it actually had a good workout…instead of knowing what to expect and taking things for granted, it was kept in its toes and made new pathways, as I did with my real toes in my running shoes.

The photo would not have been taken had I gone the usual way. It was perfect. Stripes from blocks. A different perspective.

Now back to the swimming pool. Oh my. We had a vending machine moment. Four hungry children, two tired mums, and a machine that in hindsight was very similar to my reluctant body before the jog. Three packets of Skittles and one Dairy Milk bar was the order. Easy.

• Card tap. Done.
• Now what’s the code for Skittles? E what? Oh the one without a proper label. Great.
• Let’s guess E9.
• Now it says card not working.
• Should I press E9 before tapping, or after?
• It’s thinking…oh it’s declining.
• Fine, cash it is.
• $20 in. $20 out.
• Noooooo! It doesn’t take $20 notes.
• $5 in. $5 out. Huh?
• Not wanting the plastic money. This machine wants metal.
• Coins in. And out. And in and out, repeat 27 times…very fussy.
• Yesssss, we made it to the first packet Skittles. Success.
• We got another packet. E9 you legend. Half the field are happy.
• Now we switch to chocolate. Easy. Done.
• And now back to E9.
• It whirrs. It twirls. It stops. It stops!!!! Nooooooo! The Skittles are stuck!
• We bang, we tilt, we fear alarms and security.
• The Skittle-less child is crying.
• We find more metal. In out in out.
• We press E beeping 9. It whirrs. It twirls. It drops the stuck packet…but leaves this new one hanging!!!

We cannot cope. We seriously did not need that. We laugh. We could’ve cried. We had a different perspective. That was our super power in that moment.

My daughter cried. In time she will learn to laugh at such frustrations. She needs to learn perspective and I think the only way is with more life experiences. Plus we need to know ourselves first, and that takes maturity, an awareness of ourselves and an understanding of the bigger picture. And that develops from vending machine mayhem, the little moments that teach us so much about ourselves, and others. And also that sweet treats can certainly help 😉

Love Stripes and Trees xxx

A behavioural scientist once said to me something along the lines of this, but much more eloquently, “if people invite you in to hear what you have to say, but then talk over you or amongst themselves, and don’t acknowledge or even notice when you (purposely) move to the corner of the room, then they are no longer worth giving your time to”. It is a tactic to regain control but if people ignore you it signifies a lack of basic respect.

From the other angle, the other day I saw someone I knew and I hid, behind a tree. Yep, as a grown woman I hid. And yep, behind a tree. It was broad daylight. I felt like I was in a cartoon or a Ricky Gervais black comedy. I did feel quite bad, bad enough to fess up to someone else. I mean, how old am I? But in truth, it was not even a conscious move, it just happened. Instantly. My body made me do it. Instinct?

I recall conversations in college hallways amongst friends…’I ignored you because you ignored me.’ ‘No, you ignored me…’ ‘because you ignored me’… It’s got to start somewhere. Chicken and egg anyone? So what comes first, people ignoring us or us ignoring people?

Sunny construction site stripes seen whilst out running

Whilst out running yesterday my racing thoughts led me to believe that there could be four answers to this.

1. You choose one

2. You choose both

3. You choose neither

4. You ask a question.

I think number 4 kind of delays 1, 2 and 3, but the process serves a purpose, much stronger than picking an answer stupendously quickly as if you were on a quiz show with D-grade celebrities fighting for some airtime.

Only this week I was accused of throwing out the hard questions when a colleague stopped by my desk for a causal chat. She called me out on it, laughed, and then happily responded. I was also accused of this on a work trip overseas after hearing an inspirational speaker…I merely said “what will you change professionally and personally after hearing that?” (it was a pretty profound talk, thanks Oprah!)…”well that’s a bit personal” they said…although to me it was simply a relevant question at a relevant time. But what I didn’t consider was what might possibly be going on in their head. Perhaps it brought back memories of first date nerves, when you come out of a movie and the dreaded question comes flying your way before you have chance to get it out first…”so, what did you think?” – arghhh, remember that? What do you say? Will they still like you if you say x, y or z? Do you even know what you think yet? What if you disagree? Does that mean you are not compatible? OMG!!! To a teenager questions are almost always unwelcome. Cancel the wedding!! Of course this was just a work thing, but, perhaps they were still mulling, and here was me interrogating.

I do tend to jump in deep. I’m not afraid. So far I have gotten away with it. And to be honest, I often ask questions that I find out later are what other people are wondering. But to me it’s not actually about the answer, it’s about the people in that moment – the person answering, and me, the person asking. It’s merely a connection. An empathy. A curiosity. An honesty. A vulnerability. On both sides. Equality.

As a child I was scared to ask questions, thinking that I would be laughed at, or ridiculed for not knowing something. Now, some 20yrs later, I’m listening to my teacher’s advice to speak up. I’m making up for lost time.

Being an introvert, my questions often find themselves written. Carefully crafted to avoid misinterpretation without the aid of critical non-verbal cues. This week at work I received an email from a colleague which was the length of two pages from a book and just like a novel included a background story, emotions, future hope…and this was in response to a single sentence, a simple question…and at the end of her masterpiece she said “thanks for asking”. So there. Some people do appreciate it.

As humans, herd animals, there is nothing worse than being ignored. We don’t feel worthy or like we belong. I know it’s not always nice to be on the receiving end of a hard question, but I think it is better that than to be ignored.

Advice that I have given to my daughter, friends, colleagues, and even my mum over the years, is never be afraid to ask questions. They are super useful in moments of uncertainty, awkwardness, or when feeling shy. I know it is not new news, but the simple ways often get forgotten for something more trendy. I am also a fan of silence, that too is powerful, and can lead to a different type of connection (if you can sit together in a car in a comfortable silence for hours, then there may be hope after all for that person who didn’t like the movie that you loved!!) But I believe that questions truly show you care. That you want to care. It breaks the tension, fills the sometimes too-long silence, defers attention from you, and the answer can actually be quite interesting. But remember, the answer is just a bonus, it’s the asking that is the real reward.

So…back to the start of this rambling waffle, being ignored or doing the ignoring (with a tree prop or without), what is the answer, which one comes first? It’s actually not important. The answer is not important. It is the question, being aware, being in the moment and connecting with another. What do you think?

Love Stripes & Trees xxx