Since owning a dog I am more and more amazed at the variety of feelings and conscious thoughts that human beings can experience. I’m also amazed at how resilient animals are. Our pets are really pretty lucky, because actually they don’t need much more than safety, food, shelter and love, yet we flourish them with flavoursome treats, fancy houses and luxurious upholstery!

I guess we think they appreciate comfort like we do. But at the end of the day I don’t really think the animals care about all that fancy stuff. I mean how many times is a twig, a smelly sock or a pile of dust just as interesting to a dog as a squeaky velour toy with textured panels and infused with organic chicken scent…(kidding about the scent but I expect there is something like that on the market).

Here’s another example. Take these birds.

There are so many beautiful trees in the neighbourhood – established, healthy and strong enough to hold a flurry of a thousand birds, yet these fellas choose to sit on the electric wires above the stinky horse stables. I’m sure there is warmth and the gentle buzz is perhaps a nice feeling for them (there I go again, projecting our human comfort needs onto animals…) but I do worry for them and I think “why oh why, why aren’t you in a lush leafy green tree?”

It’s only my opinion of course, only my perspective as a human being, I don’t actually know what it is like to be a bird…but pre-wires I’m sure the birds were on branches, as many still are.

I think that the need for safety, food, shelter and love is the same for birds as for humans…and when there is a choice, surely the house is more desirable than the tent; the branch more desirable than the wire?

• Are they here because they have a good lookout whilst on guard duty?
• Are they here because of proximity to food?
• Are they here because to them it is actually comfortable?
• Are they here because they are copying the other birds…?

I don’t know their reason, but their behaviour does make me think. The wires seem to be providing the same purpose as a branch, but yet the wires are so far removed from nature. It makes me feel bad that we have removed some/many natural habitats.

I think that if I were a bird I would go to a tree. But then I think about the trees wishes. I think that if I were a tree I would stand tall and proud and listen to the whispers on the wind. I’d focus on my core strength (like I do in Reformer Pilates 🤣). Maybe I would welcome everyone over for a free perch and a natter, some morning tea, or maybe I would not. Maybe I would want to be left alone and have some peace and quiet.

Of course the trees don’t think, the birds don’t think. We humans are lucky to have that ability to think but sometimes I wish I didn’t think so much…I merely went out for 4km run and came back with all this waffle! Let me tell you, it’s more tiring on my mind than on my legs!!!

As I try and switch off over this holiday period, the thoughts of wires and branches continue to pop up.

Dismantling the Christmas tree quite obviously reminded me of my contradictions. Here I am with an unnatural Christmas tree. There are wires! I was brought up with natural trees and the judgement was often passed that ‘it’s not right to have a fake tree’ – but now I make the decisions and I’m not sure about cutting down trees for such a short time. However, I will pass no judgement. Neither way is right, they are just what they are. The purpose of the tree has perhaps changed for many anyway, from its origins as representing Christ. These days my tree is about connection, reflection, tradition…and that can be achieved with branches of wood or metal and wires.

Our stunning old gent of a liquid amber in the yard, looking on at our fake tree inside, made me feel mixed emotions…

• Guilt at having a fake tree (gosh those opinions from childhood are pretty sticky…I think the old man would grumble)
• Proud because I am leaving nature alone and the old gent would be happy.

So next time I see those birds hanging out on the wires, and I will, I will just smile at them and leave them alone. I won’t pity them, question them, judge them, I won’t worry for them…I will just smile and jog on. Let them be, let them achieve their purpose their way. And I will only have tried legs…until I find something else to think about!

Love Stripes and Trees xxx

I know I’m due for a stripe-inspired post but I just can’t seem to find any at the moment.

Stripes appeal to me because they give me a sense of calm, control, equality, elegance, predictability, a repeating pattern, simplicity and strength.

Oh how I wish life was stripy, like one of the gorgeous black and white gift boxes in department stores. But alas no, life is a like a paper bag with no handles – you have to work out your way of carrying it.

The wise ones tell us that…

• life throws you curveballs
• life is not a straight line
• life is full of ups and downs

Regardless of the messy tracks of life in the dust, the stripes should still be there in the sidelines, looking on with wonder, curiosity also perhaps some envy. So where are the stripes that keep me feeling grounded? Why can’t I see any straight ones?

Over the last week I’ve had several people say to me ‘it’s the end of the year’ and ‘you’ve had a big year’. Is this the reason? Is it that simple?

When I was a child in the UK, the new year fell in the middle of the cold, wet, dark winter, it was during a short break from school mid-term, and as Brits do so well we celebrated and then just carried on (after a few too many drinks in a cosy warm pub mind – a good combination). But the end of the year just didn’t feel as intense.

To be honest, it perplexes me that the end of the year becomes such a real and accepted explanation (excuse?!?) for so many, because Jan 1 from Dec 31 is really no different to Sep 1 from Aug 31, or April 12 from April 13 (unless you are hugely spiritual or religious).

From my childhood perspective, a southern hemisphere December is more like a UK August when the school year finishes; a UK December more like an Australian June, mid winter. Opposite sides of the Earth for real! Topsy turvy.

So for me, there is no obvious end to the year, the timing is quite arbitrary and perhaps based on another factor (not sure what though). However I do know that one day simply follows another. Other wise people agree, ‘life is a circle’ they say.

I wonder if this common end of year malaise is just pressure that the majority of people put on themselves and each other and then it just grows and grow and grows. Have people actually really thought about it and if it’s real, or if they are subconsciously following the rest of the herd? I’m sure there are social and science experiments about it, but I do wonder if it is easier to accept than to question.

My stripes might be a bit bruised at the moment, but I do not believe it is due to the date. I believe that there is no reason actually, it’s just the way life is on this day. A curve(ball) perhaps, 😉

My inner vision board is stripes and trees. They will manifest again.

Love (wonky) Stripes and Trees xxx

After starting my career in market research with an encouraging, innovative and high achieving team (based in an old ammunitions warehouse in Islington, London), almost 6yrs later I bought a one-way ticket to Sydney. Then after almost 3yrs working in an equally high achieving agency I burnt out.

What followed then was pretty much ‘stints’ at various agencies and client side roles that suited my desires at the time:

⁃ be a specialist

⁃ reconnect with media tracking

⁃ learn to teach

⁃ start a family

⁃ support my husband’s company

⁃ start contract-work, which I was always unsure of doing

⁃ reconnect with an old colleague and challenge my skills in a new industry, finance

⁃ continue family growth

⁃ work in magazines (my dream since forever!)

⁃ reconnect (again) with an old colleague and learn about health insurance

⁃ reconnect with an old boss at Australia’s biggest bank (I still cannot believe I got a job there)

⁃ and then finally move cities and move back into health insurance

Now that’s quite a journey hey! It’s not at all what I expected to be doing, but I don’t regret it, it’s been amazing. It’s strange though because I always said in interviews that ‘I wanted to belong’. Hmm, why didn’t I stick around very long then?

Dopamine!!!

I never knew it but I was chasing dopamine. ADHD brains seek significantly more dopamine than neurotypical brains. Simple.

I could post-rationalise every single job move that I made and I thought I was being smart. Well I was smart in a way, I was listening to my true self – I was always authentic, always passionate, always honest, always had high standards and tried my best.

Also, I managed to successfully network around Australia which is no mean feat for someone with social anxiety. I hate small talk, I hate events, I hate walking into a room full of people, but somehow I managed to unintentionally make some great acquaintances, and many great friends, by simply moving from job to job.

My husband has been more than patient as I have repeatedly embarked on new roles every couple of years. For me there was no choice to be patient, I was just driven. I didn’t know I had ADHD back then but I was ‘driven like a motor’ to chase opportunities. However, I didn’t realise that the changes were disruptive to family life – the late nights updating my cv, the lead up (and post- analysis) of interviews, the new office location resulting in changes to the family’s ‘out of the door’ routine…the impact on renovation plans with lack of company/salary continuation. I didn’t think of any of this.

I was just driven to learn, to grow, to make mistakes, to ask questions, to be in new places, to be exposed to new thinking, pick up new systems, adopt new ways of working…. Dopamine!!!

So, here I am 2yrs in at nib. I will be honest and say that I have reached out to people about internal roles that match my passions so well, I have reached out to acquaintances about external flexible roles that meet the needs of my family, I have looked to see what else is out there to satisfy my curiosity…but I have not updated my cv. This is a major change for me, this is breaking a 14yr habit.

I am choosing to stay put. I am choosing nib, choosing my teamies, my boss, my routine, the office, the systems, the learnings, the growth, the mistakes. I have realised that I don’t need to find these things elsewhere anymore, they are all here.

In fact they always were there in every role, I just didn’t know it. But now I have the knowledge about myself, the explanation of my ‘stints’, plus I have an employer that truly lets me be me and asks if I’m ok. Just yesterday I was asked: “Do you want to keep your nine day fortnight or change it somehow?” – that means so much, to be asked not told. It isn’t a set and forget arrangement, it’s a regular check in. It signifies an understanding that situations and needs change. And sometimes they don’t. Happy 2yrs+ to me!

#dopamine #adhd #womenwithadhd #career #knowledgeispower