Let your brain breathe

Last week my family had our annual winter getaway in country NSW. This morning I realised that we have been home longer than we were away. That’s always a realisation that makes me feel a little sad. Home is where I want to be, but the sense of breath when we are away from everyday life is just as comforting.

I snapped this photo whilst my son was constructing a new lego set. It was challenging for him. As the sun started to set and cast stripy sun patterns on the sofa, he looked up and paused, took a breath. Ahhh. The weight of his mind seemed to evaporate.

Our time away was idyllic. The days were long. Crisp mornings, green fields, outdoor swings, vineyards, afternoon naps, marshmallows toasted on a fire pit. Of course there were moments of frustration (sibling squabbles, no tomato sauce 😉 ) but there were more moments of loveliness, and these moments felt longer, stronger and deeper due to being away.

Why was that? The clocks still ticked at the same pace. I think it is because of the break from the mental load.

⁃ Knowing what is for dinner instead of being faced with multiple options

– Choosing from two tops instead of a whole wardrobe

⁃ Following the suggested path to the destination instead of taking a short cut / trying to get there faster / squeezing in a pit stop along the way

Of course there was also a break from some chores (mostly laundry, so much laundry…) but we still got groceries, still swept the floor, still washed and dried up. So if we were still doing chores why did we still have the sense of more time?

Having less decisions allows the brain to breathe.

The mental load is often described as being about the thoughts and to do lists and planning and organising….of all things related to family life, including laundry i.e. ‘if I put on the school clothes first they can hang outside in the sun before it rains, and be dry by tomorrow morning, then I’ll do the sheets and tumble dry them whilst we’re at the supermarket ready for fitting back on beds whilst dinner is cooking,’ – that kind of thing. A load of washing is only a very very small part of the mental load though however.

The thought is more tiring than the doing – fact.

Women are typically described as carrying more of the mental load, and I do believe by nature that is mostly true, but depending on circumstance the balance of load in a household might shift, and it’s all relative anyway, as always. This trip reminded me that men also carry mental load, and children to a certain extent, all of us do. Expectations, routines, unknowns, fears. It’s all in there, in our heads, big and small.

My kids were brave enough to distance themselves from us, their parental protection, and they ran off and explored the grounds and hung on the tree swing out of sight (that was brave for me too!)

It was so nice to see the whole family free of mental load. We were just doing our thing, as individuals and together.

This awareness tells me that we should try and stop carrying so much. Decisions can be overwhelming but they are very important, they keep us from danger and let us choose wonder. The true magic is in how we use our decisions. Quality over quantity, every time.

Choosing a life of better but fewer decisions could make that life feel longer. I know I want long days.

Love Stripes & Trees xxx

With experience comes wisdom (mostly)

This is a photo of my son’s bedroom in the beautiful winter sun. He may not know how to read his clock yet, or name all the countries in the world that hang on the picture above his bed (or the continents – did you know there are sub continents and even a super continent?), but he does know determination. Last week he woefully declared feeling “too tired to go any further” on a scooter ride, but when I offered to pull him he swiftly declined and said he didn’t want to give up. Yes, you go son! I was so proud. At the time I wasn’t sure where he got it from, but I think I now know. And as a return, I just channelled him now on my Saturday afternoon jog, at the exact same spot where he said it last week. My legs and lungs tiring, I thought of his inner strength and I made it to the end. The second time this week that I have achieved my goals, using the power of my mind and my heart. Just like Zelda (but that’s another story).

On Thursday I went for an opportunist run. It was the most beautiful sunny winter’s day and I was in a big hilly park, super happy for space and freedom. I’d been dreaming of hill running and suddenly, right in front of me was a big one ripe for the picking. But running up this hill I found my dream dissolving – I gave up :-(. I just couldn’t do it. It had been many months since I had run with any great effort (instead having to walk to let injuries to heal). I walked to the top, puffed out, bent over to catch my breathe and my head hung heavy. I felt deflated.

A few minutes later, as I recovered and stood tall ready for the easier descent, I saw another hill. This one was even higher. Could I make it to the top of this one? Should I even bother? Hell yes!!! I came out of hill one with determination. I did not want to be beaten. I have been called stubborn before ;-).

So off I went and with extra leg power and self talk (“you can do it, you can do it, run away from the monster…” – yes I do actually say this…fear can help as a last resort :-)) And lo and behold, I made it. It felt great. I needed this.

And then, de ja vu…I spotted another hill. And this one was a whopper! People were walking down it with caution it was that steep. I didn’t even think twice, I just put one foot in front of the other, pushed and kept going. Not at all fast, it was sooooo steep, but I just focused on my legs and the goal and slowly slowly I made it to the top. The feeling at top of this hill was the best. This time I hadn’t failed, this time I hadn’t achieved it out of Fomo or being driven by fear, this time I did it out of wisdom. Wisdom that came from experiencing the other two hills.

Channeling positivity and refocusing my mind and body, brought a big smile to my red face. And to think I had only gone to the park for a quick jog before school pick up. Get yourselves out there people (or doing whatever physical activity you chose – it is always worth it!)

Now back to the start of this post, I say ‘mostly’ in the title because I have also realised recently that we have to be open to growth to be able to gain the wisdom from experience. Only this week my hubby was saying how hectic June is at work, and had been for the last 8yrs – he said next year he will take some time in June – very wise, it only took him 8yrs to work it out 🤣. But he got there. So wise. So experienced.

I hope I continue to be open and to learn and grow throughout my whole life. I also hope there aren’t any geography questions in the weekend quiz!

Love Stripes and Trees xxx

Stripes are flat curves

Flatten the curve. Flatten that curve. But I say let’s not just focus on the end goal, focus on the journey too. And good god is this a journey.

The view from my usual end of jog stretching bar. Messy stripes. Loud angry warning stripes.

I am sometimes wishing time away, like billions of people I expect. However I don’t just want this over and for it be behind us, to forget about, I don’t actually want to get back to normal. I’m fortunate that so far I don’t know anyone who has been struck ill by this most obscure virus, so I’m able to think a little positively. I’m grateful for the circuit breaker. The slowing down. The making do. The back to basics.

I always thought I was born in the wrong era, and the required skills at this testing time gives me a glimpse into what life might’ve been like many decades ago. I have worn my apron weekly of late! Unheard of usually.

But throw in the mix an almost full time job (4 days IS is really 5!), a kindy kid, a year 4 kid and a hubby who plies me with coffee and mini eggs, life is pretty messy. Not the simple times of the 40’s or 50’s. Or what I imagine they would have been like.

And the news from overseas is simply frightening. My family is in the UK. They aren’t feeling too positive. But coping yes. The good ol’ British resilience, stoicism, head down get on with it (in line I hope).

Back to stripes. My comfort. Oh to be in a stripy world with certainty and linear pathways. How nice. But we aren’t. We never are. We try and be, we try and gain control, and that’s why there can be turmoil. Perhaps control is something we shouldn’t have. Sounding a bit spiritual…

So, back to that flat curve. Back to the future. The future of flatness. Stripes can be flat. But only if they are horizontal. A vertical stripe right now would be absolute disaster. A diagonal stripe not so good either. But we have to make sure we retain the flatness. Hence we need to truly live the journey, acknowledge it, respect it, remember it. Knowledge is power. Awareness is the start.

And then we can get back to early 2020, before all this started. Not forgetting, not reliving, but instead redoing it, better. And hooray, I get to travel back in time a tiny bit. Not to the truly simple times, but I will live simpler in the times that lie ahead. That is my reward for staying home.

Stay home folks. Stay safe.

Love Stripes & Trees xxx