This week, as Australian high school leavers anxiously awaited their ATAR scores, I was thinking about the time when I told my older sister that she needed to study chemistry some more because she might need it when she’s older. This was after she got a bad grade. I was about 9yrs old I think, a goody-two-shoes, a know-it-all, a rather annoying little sister. No excuses, but I think I was led/brainwashed by the teachers and their focus on improving whatever was weak.

• “Run faster, jump higher, answer quicker, talk louder, write neater etc etc”.

Successes were celebrated, but often only if everything else was pretty good too.

My sister is a talented artist. She flunked maths, a few times I believe, and she certainly flunked chemistry. She didn’t need it. Is anyone surprised? She certainly wasn’t.

On the flip side, I got an A in chemistry. In fact I got an A in everything. I was labelled the ‘academic’ daughter following on from two artistic ones. But when everything is even, where does the strength lie? It’s not easy to know. I still don’t truly know, but I sense it is unmeasurable in the school system. I guess this is when the heart comes in, the passion.

This is a photo of a pattern my son made out of glow sticks. It’s a bit stripy. Not my kind of ‘straight stripy’, but it’s his stripy. It’s his way.

And here is the Christmas tree, our first family one. I let the kids decorate it any which way they wanted. There is even a piece of paper with an xmas drawing on. Decorated their way.

When deciding my university degree I told the lecturers at college that I wanted to study Psychology – they looked at my combination of A-levels (Biology, Maths and Psychology) and they scoffed. “What a strange combination, that won’t get you in!” I heard a few times, from the very people who were supposed to guide and encourage me. However, a wise friend who was a few years older and already studying Psycholgy at uni, said it was the nation. To be honest I had no other ideas. My dad and sisters were arty (I couldn’t compete), my mum a nurse (and my grandma…I think I wanted to break the mould)…but I had no obvious strength. I just had passion for people, I loved finding out about people. And so that’s what I did. I followed my passion.

During this week I advised my daughter to focus on her strengths and passions, to put her energy into what she is good at and what she enjoys. Don’t stress about the other stuff, the ‘chemistry’ of her world. Be you, do it well. And it was strange, a day later at work, I had a similar conversation with my lovely boss. In fact she brought it up, and I just sat there, smiled and nodded. It was music to my ears.

So, let’s do this, let’s work to our strengths. One person can’t be everything, but together we can be and the world will be balanced.

Love Stripes and Trees xxx

Spring has sprung in Sydney. It’s perfect. The gentle warmth of the soft spring sun, a fresh light whispering breeze, the sky a beautiful baby blue – collectively promising a balanced and fresh new start, opportunities to be taken.

Our very own Jacaranda in our backyard – lucky!

The idea of a long jog yesterday filled me with excitement! The conditions were spot on. My body was strong again after a winter cough and two strength sessions in the gym during the week. Ready to go! My head however still had something to worry about – whether or not to wear shorts. Say what?!?

Seems sensible – temps are creeping, running makes you hot, shorts would be ideal – but no, my overthinking brain does somersaults with a double-tuck-twisted-flip-360-style trick.

I know that this is not a rational decision about comfort in the heat, it’s a totally irrational moment, but it exists and hopefully writing it out will get it out!!! Go nonsense thoughts. Be gone.

Being from the north of England, my usual default clothing is length and layers. I really wasn’t sure if I was ready for shorts today and I could feel the ping pong of thoughts getting faster – negative / defend / negative / defend…blah blah blah.

I’m ashamed to even say all of this out loud / on screen. It sounds so superficial. It’s against everything that I think I am, that I want to be. But seriously the questions in my head were:

-What will people think?

-What will they think of ME?

-My legs are so pale, my legs are so wobbly, my legs are lumpy and bumpy…what will people think of that?

-Will they think I shouldn’t wear shorts with legs like those?

-Will they think I should do more exercise, use fake tan?

-Will they think I’m older than I am?

Effectively I’m wondering if they will be confirming my inner thoughts – ‘oh my goodness, look at her with her white, wobbly, lumpy bumpy legs’.

As if!!! As if they would. I know this. I do know this. No one cares. But even if they did I would ignore them and think they were being mean. Who cares what people think? I don’t. I really don’t. But it seems that I do. There goes another 360-backward-pike. Grrrr.

I know that when I see people I mostly notice their individuality and also I truly admire their confidence. I’m not sure what’s at the very root of this insecurity though. The only reason I can think of is because various people at school/work/relationships have told me ‘you should have more confidence in yourself’ – I heard it when I was 12 years old and when I was 42 years old. Why do I keep hearing this? Is it a sign? Maybe I should just ignore them? But then maybe they are right…maybe I would be a-mazing if I took their advice…maybe, if, perhaps, when…arghhh!!! It’s annoying though, perhaps I’m actually ok in myself. Can’t I just be me?

Well, you know what I did yesterday? After several outfit changes I put my shorts on and I ran. The only way to change my legs is to get them moving and catch some sun rays (safely, with sunscreen). And on that jog I rarely thought about my legs. Or other people. Or their thoughts. I thought about Jacarandas and how they just do their thing. Every year, out it pops…the most luscious shade of purple. 💜. It takes over any vista. Bold. Do the Jacaranda’s care what all the other green leafed trees think? No. They just get on with it, unapologetically, they are just themselves. Individuals. Beautiful.

I need to channel the Jacs.

Love Stripes and Trees xxx

With my new job comes a new morning routine. And this new pathway from bed to hot desk has led me to noticing new sights in the CBD (only 200m from my old morning scurry) – I see new shops, new cafes, new people, new traffic patterns, and new light patterns as the sun moves overhead throughout the day.

And I see new moon patterns too

And my new routine has led to the discovery of new music. Whoop whoop! I love discovering new artists, well new to me at least, but often they are well established. (I miss those Monday’s when I used it race to HMV and check out the new chart listings…one source, truth, no filters…these days there are so many niche charts, and as much as I appreciate a niche, I think it should stay hidden, by nature it is not for for the masses). Anyway, as always, when I come across a new track I become instantly obsessed and play it on repeat, and then some. Uninterrupted. Unapologetically. Get it in my ears!!!

So when I went for a jog at the weekend I just couldn’t bring myself to select the usual ‘Jog’ playlist, I needed more of the new stuff. Like a drug. I guess my dopamine levels are riding high at the moment! So instead of the angry upbeat sounds to help me pound the pavements, I had an eclectic collection of folk-rock, country-rock, punk/new wave, guitars and harmonies…) My dad would be so proud that I’m appreciating some of his music some 40-50yrs after he first did! I had a great jog, I still found my rhythm, still ran good.

I guess I usually to run for a mental release, and I counter-hit the stress with loud angry tunes, to encourage the purge. But it’s not necessarily the right thing to do. Doing the opposite to what you feel like doing is often the right answer.

⁃ Feeling worried – don’t retreat, be brave.

⁃ Feeling angry – don’t shout, hug.

Since my new job, the stress in my body and mind is not there so much, but I still have other life stresses that I need to run away from. Or do I? Should I be running with them? Finding a new way to deal. Perhaps I subconsciously knew that I needed gentler tracks that day, and the break from the norm in other areas of my life opened my mind up and to other breaks in my life. Jogging to Tom Petty (to name one artist), was a different experience and just what I needed.

My running tree blurred into the background as I noticed stripes that have always been there on the stretching bar – always been there, but I never noticed!

As I was running, my body was able to find its own groove. It was refreshing to be able to run for the music, not run to the music. Effectively running for the enjoyment of the song, not using the music to make me run a certain way.

Next time I’ll try nursery rhymes…kidding!

A new routine has led to this discovery. Wish I had mixed things up before.

Love Stripes and Trees xxx