I saw the pictures last year, and booked the accomodation months ago. This weekend we went. Country NSW.

The trees. Everywhere. I can’t recall any stripes, just trees forever and ever. Country NSW.

I had imagined that I would be taking millions and trillions (even zillions) of photos, even taking a digital SLR camera with me, but alas, it stayed in my suitcase.

What happened?

To be honest, I think I had just built it up too much in my head and therefore felt a little disappointed with reality. Don’t get me wrong, the natural beauty was spot on, you can’t beat that. That never disappoints because I don’t think you can even imagine how great it will actually be. But it’s so hard to photograph, really really hard. I’m just an amateur ‘snap with my phone’ kinda photographer.

My disappointment was with the gardens we visited, the gardens from the pictures I saw years ago…a major reason for our trip. In fairness the disappointment was not with the gardens, but my response to them. I was just expecting more natural beauty, more rugged landscape, more Australia, but instead we found well groomed beautiful gardens, meticulously planned, somewhat English and lavish. I’m not a fancy kind of girl. I can’t keep up! Anyway, I felt a little foolish and a little sad.

Despite the colours and the undulating grassy lawns leading to ponds and stepping stones…(sounds amazing huh?, and it was!), I just found myself (and my family) somewhere that I wasn’t expecting. The introvert and empath within me spoke up and I vocalised that I felt bad that I had imposed this experience on them. They were fine. They said so. And I think they were. My daughter, otherwise known as a wise old women in disguise as a child, said calmly, “Mumma, it’s ok, you got to go to the maze, behind the waterfall and take some beautiful photos” – she was right of course. It just wasn’t quite what I expected – it was 38 minutes lost in a maze, a fake waterfall, and just a handful of photos (but who needs 100’s anyway?)

Anyway, just now, literally just now (back in normal every day life), as I was running and trying to work out how to write this post, my Spotify wouldn’t work. So instead of my usual fast 5k jog playlist I had a schmozzle of random tunes from my iTunes account that I no longer use, and I ran a slower 6k with a fast finish! Never did I expect that today. And never did I expect Joni Mitchell would be jogging by my side, or an REM track would get me through the line, a track that I first owned as a teenager on a cassette tape (copied from a boyfriend) in my bedroom in the north of England…I never expected that today. The whole experience made me smile.

They say expect the unexpected. I’m going home to my daughter what she thinks.

Stripes and Trees x

Last weekend a lovely friend invited me to see West Side Story on Sydney Harbour. “Yes purlease” I said in an instant. It’s my mum’s favourite movie (along with Seven Brides for Seven Brothers) and I have seen it a million trillion times. The clicking fingers, the grimy graffitied streets, the music, the love, the end – I always cry.

As I sat there 5 minutes from the last scene, I began to get anxious and thought ‘please don’t let this happen…please don’t be true’. And as I heard my own thoughts, I had a memory of my sister’s text from a few weeks back ‘I just wish it wasn’t true’. That was in response to something very sad also. More so because it was real, not a story. Oh to have the power to rewind.

This week as I wrote to another friend in a difficult situation I could hear my heart heavily sighing ‘I wish this wasn’t true’.

But unfortunately we cannot rewind, all these things are happening and I will probably spend more of my life saying those words. So what to do? How to cope? I think we can only press play. We just have to carry on, and be carried on by friends and family who love us. Of course the motion will not always be forward, especially at first, and there may be some detours along the way, but eventually forward it will be, with determination.

Be kind, be honest, be authentic. Let people in. Be vulnerable.

My 8yr old daughter helped clarify my thinking this week. After a morning of vomiting I said to her “I wish it was me and not you” and she said “I wish it was no-one”, and then we just sat there and hugged.

I send hugs to all my friends and family (and even strangers) who are struggling right now.

Love Stripes and Trees xxx

I love seeing trees in the wild, with grass and weeds tickling their ankles. Imagining their roots spread wide and deep, and worms and moles underground doing their jobs as the tree stands tall and protects them all. Reminiscent of my childhood in English country gardens…sounds idyllic but in reality it’s not always like that. Recently when my kids were playing under a tree, a dog came along and watered their fairy garden. Hmm.

I also love seeing squares or circles (or indeed any other geometric shape) in parks or urban environments surrounding a tree so purposefully. Again, I picture the ideals seen in a coffee table book, but most often the reality is ruined by litter or messy mushy squashed berries.

Of course I’d rather see the tree free, but it’s better than seeing no tree and just a flat grey pavement. Who gets pleasure seeing a flat grey pavement? (Maybe skateboarders on a mission…another post perhaps).

As a child whenever I drew a picture, out came the 30cm ruler and on went a border. Around pictures of houses, farms, space. Border around pictures of trees in fact. I wanted to protect the image, ‘keep the baddies out’. That’s what I actually thought. I used to underline titles with not just one line, or a double line, but four. Yes four! Usually in the order red, yellow, green, blue. Rules. Can’t mess with them. Or so I thought!

Here’s a photo of a poem book I made in the 80’s…

The shapes around the trees are doing the same job as my borders. Defining the boundaries, protection of territory, providing clarity of the rules of engagement. It’s not really them and us. Trees versus people. It’s you and me. Trees and people. Together. Collaboration. Respect.

As I was out running today, I went past an area of the river bank that had been cordoned off. The sign was perfect. Council did good for once!

Let’s work together. I love you trees.

Stripes and trees xxx